What’s Up With You?

I expected my graduation (June 2016) to bring a rush of relief and new-found invigoration to my life.

Instead I wallowed. The last class finished and I had a nerve-wracking week where not passing was a real threat looming over my life. But I passed. I have my diploma, I can put Drexel University on my resume (despite having never set foot on campus).

And while I thought I would suddenly have free time, I’ve been just as stressed as ever. The job search is leading nowhere, I can’t seem to keep up with things at home, I’m exhausted, I started working out regularly (which sucks up a lot of time and makes me feel like trash), and I’m still working two jobs.

And I miss writing so much.

I have a dedicated writers’ group which gives me some much-needed fiction time and also a low-key social outlet. Unfortunately, life has gotten in the way of many meetings.

And that just seems to be the theme here: life gets me down, I get exhausted, I put off the things I enjoy in an order to siphon energy to the things you need to do. I’m not going to use Spoonie terminology because none of this is from a chronic illness, but the analogy of  “just not enough” is resonating with me. And maybe it’s depression but if it is it feels so different from the other times I can’t recognize it as such.

I’ve got some good shit coming up though. This week I’m traveling to NYC to see Hamilton; early in November I’m going to Germany and Iceland! So there’s stuff to look forward too, even though a jam packed schedule gives me some anxiety. I’ll sleep eventually!

But there should be some blog posts forthcoming. I’ve done a fair amount of travel in 2016- a lot more than in previous years. I’ve hit up Myrtle Beach and Atlanta in addition to the upcoming trips. I plan to do little write-ups about those places in what I hope is the not too distant future, though admittedly everything may have to wait until Mid-November when I’m back from Europe.

But here I am, I’m alive, this blog is not truly abandon, stay tuned for updates!



What She Order? Crippling Self-Doubt and a Hailstorm of Deadlines! (That Shit Cray)

Oh Kanye, I take comfort in knowing I’m not the worst thing to happen to you- I’ve seen your fashion line. And I’m not apologizing to Jay-Z either, dude’s married to Beyonce, some lyrical butchering in a blog title is nothing.

So, where we at?

Finals for my second term of grad school have just begin. Last term they were cumulative projects, this term they are (both) specific take-home exams that I have a week to complete.

I am applying for a fancy new job. I love current job and in the grand scheme of things I am not actively job searching- however this is an opportunity to really advance myself and I can’t pass on it. There is not a hard deadline for applications, but I want to have my cover letter finished and polished by this weekend so that I can send my documents out into the world and stop stressing about it stress about it in a completely different fashion. Fortunately my resume is up-to-date from applying to grad school! I take comfort in knowing that if I don’t get the job I could continue to come to my current job and fulfill my tasks happily (if not without some disappointment) but new job is in a geographic location Manbeast and I both prefer and closer to some very important people to us.

Our lease ends at the end of April. The job I am applying for is in a different state and wouldn’t start til June/July. We didn’t really want to stay at our own place. One option is to move back in with my parents for a few months- they are in the process of moving themselves. Another is to start looking for a new place and hope we find out if I’m a finalist/have the position sooner rather than later. Or we can ask to extend our lease a few months, though we suspect that might go over better if we say “extend while I wait on this job, and if I don’t get it we will renew.” But do we really want to renew? We certainly don’t want to freeze and be poor again all winter! I know home ownership is fraught with its own set of challenges, issues, and expenses, but I truly want to be in a place where I don’t have to deal with the panic and worry of “do we want a new place and what happens if we can’t find an acceptable one by the time we need it?”

I’m poor. I’m maid of honor at my friend’s wedding in October, our electric bill is absurd (we have electric heat and utilities, and the power company our apartment uses raised rates by 40% for the winter). I don’t have the money to throw at things to review, even though there are a ton of items I want to try. I’ve been signing up for programs that offer samples for reviews, but outside of Blogging for Books haven’t had much success. I have a really small audience here, and while I’m trying to expand it brands just don’t seem that interested in helping a start-up. Of course, our electric rates should drop at the end of the month, and we’ll be able to turn our heat off, and that should make an incredible difference in our finances and open up the possibility to me purchasing some items for review! I also have some leftovers from Christmas (ugggh) that I can talk about, but surviving finals is hands down my primary goal right now. If you want to send me something, please contact me at irreverent.internet (at) gmail!

I like this blog and love writing in it, and I don’t like going long stretches without posting, but it looks like life’s going. Please send good thoughts my way for finals and this job (and figuring out our living situation!).

Busy, Busy, Busy

Ooof. I was doing so well for awhile! My life picks up some speed again this following week, for better or worse.

It’s summer every day in the forecast now and I hate it. Can I move back to the PNW? What, I like my job too much? Ok.

My job is letting me play with old books (like 1800s old) and it’s THE BEST I love it. So much fun.

Tomorrow I start one of those boot camps exercise thingys in my attempt to be a little less squishy. I am nervous because I AM a very squishy person and I don’t like being yelled at so this could end horribly. It’s through my work though so I’m hoping it’s full of like… middle-aged secretaries and not fitness freaks. I like being in the same boat as everyone else. I’ve been trying to take a Monday barre class, but life keeps getting in the way of that. Two Mondays were missed so I could deal with my grandfather’s death and then this past week our instructor had a sick kid so I’ve missed 3 out of 3 classes. We’ll see what next week holds. I’m not trying to get “bikini ready” or anything, so hopefully my low fitness expectations can be met.

I’ll be baking my first wedding cake tonight or tomorrow for Best Friend’s wedding on SATURDAY! And that of course necessitates going out of town. When I return I plan to do a post unpacking the two weddings I’ve been to. In a kind way, not a Four Weddings way. Like… I guess depending on how it all turns out it could be considered a review but I’m planning to deconstruct things more in the way that they relate to me as someone who is “pre-engaged” and doing some super half-assed wedding planning of my own.

The weekend after that, we’ll be visiting some of Manbeast’s family that have made it up from the south. This will be the first time I’ll have the chance to meet any of his dad’s extended family. I would be nervous but after four years I think my “in” with these people is pretty solidified. (And yeah, totally lucked out on the “pre-future in-laws” gambit)

The weekend after that… fourth of July! It’ll be my first time attending a 4th party/being excited about a 4th party possibly in forever. Also I hate fireworks. It makes this holiday difficult.

I’ve been going through the archives of some favored beauty bloggers looking for more indie companies to check out because I love supporting the little guy and there is SO MUCH out there that’s amazing and the prices and quality have, so far, turned out to be better to or equal than the big name stuff, at least regarding eyeshadows. I have a soap order coming from Etsy shop One Hand Washes the Other and am looking at other popular/well reviewed companies like Darling Girl, My Pretty Zombie, Fyrinnae, and Alchimia Apothecary. Darling Girl has a lot of incredible looking things but many are discontinued for the time being, so I followed them on Facebook to hopefully stay updated on their situation. They and Alchimia Apothecary have “blogger sample packs” which are soooo tempting to me… we’ll see. I mean, I want to try their stuff, I’d probably blog about it, why not get a good sample deal, especially on some of the stuff I might not try for myself, like Alchimia’s perfumes? Fyrinnae are the makers of the Pixie Apoxy, which is sounds like some sort of eyeshadow Holy Grail (I would link to the product but their site is down for maintenance).

Got an email from Ulta about a four hour sale that gets you a free 4-piece Bare Minerals set with any $50 purchase. I don’t know yet if I’ll be taking advantage of it BUT I’m super stoked to see that Bare Minerals is bringing back their tutorial kits! I bought the “Smoky V” kit back during college and it was awesome. I really want to try the eyeliner kit! These tend to be pretty good deals, so I’d recommend checking the three options out.

I’ve got a brand review started in my drafts so hopefully I can get that finished and posted before jetting off this weekend, and don’t worry, I’ll share some cake pictures!