What’s Up With You?

I expected my graduation (June 2016) to bring a rush of relief and new-found invigoration to my life.

Instead I wallowed. The last class finished and I had a nerve-wracking week where not passing was a real threat looming over my life. But I passed. I have my diploma, I can put Drexel University on my resume (despite having never set foot on campus).

And while I thought I would suddenly have free time, I’ve been just as stressed as ever. The job search is leading nowhere, I can’t seem to keep up with things at home, I’m exhausted, I started working out regularly (which sucks up a lot of time and makes me feel like trash), and I’m still working two jobs.

And I miss writing so much.

I have a dedicated writers’ group which gives me some much-needed fiction time and also a low-key social outlet. Unfortunately, life has gotten in the way of many meetings.

And that just seems to be the theme here: life gets me down, I get exhausted, I put off the things I enjoy in an order to siphon energy to the things you need to do. I’m not going to use Spoonie¬†terminology because none of this is from a chronic illness, but the analogy of ¬†“just not enough” is resonating with me. And maybe it’s depression but if it is it feels so different from the other times I can’t recognize it as such.

I’ve got some good shit coming up though. This week I’m traveling to NYC to see Hamilton; early in November I’m going to Germany and Iceland! So there’s stuff to look forward too, even though a jam packed schedule gives me some anxiety. I’ll sleep eventually!

But there should be some blog posts forthcoming. I’ve done a fair amount of travel in 2016- a lot more than in previous years. I’ve hit up Myrtle Beach and Atlanta in addition to the upcoming trips. I plan to do little write-ups about those places in what I hope is the not too distant future, though admittedly everything may have to wait until Mid-November when I’m back from Europe.

But here I am, I’m alive, this blog is not truly abandon, stay tuned for updates!

 

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I thought I’d let the cat title this one. And by “let” I mean “she walked across the keyboard and I didn’t have a better title in mind so hey, whatevs.”

This is the 2016 resolution/goal post no one asked for. But since I do better when I write things down and I’m generating content for this thing at an embarrassing pace, why not put it here?

  • Graduate in May: I’ll be getting my MLIS in 2016 if it kills me, but if I keep my grades up I can finish in May (technically the graduation date is in June, but classes end in May)
  • Apply for better jobs: I still love my job, but I’m overqualified now and will be extremely overqualified once I have the degree. I’ve already gotten a great start on this one: I did 4 applications over Christmas and have two completed cover letters that just need some reference confirmation before submitting. Hopefully I actually get a new job in 2016, but that’s not something I can control. I can control the application process.
  • Read 12 books: That’s one a month for 2016. Far from my lofty “read 100 books” goal of 2012, 12 books seems really reasonable given that it’s what I managed this past year (barely) as a year-round student.
  • Have at least one short story prepped and ready for submission: While I’ve started work on this one, I haven’t gotten it polished nearly enough. My goal this year is not to get published or even to have multiple submissions. It’s simply to finally put one piece out there. Expect more ambitious goals on this front in 2017!
  • Declutter: We’re moving this year. We don’t know where or exactly when, just that it’s going to be happening. We carried all this stuff up 3 flights of stairs and I don’t want to carry it down. Time to do a deep purge.
  • Eat better/exercise more: No fancy goals here. I don’t have to get it perfect I just have to do better than 2015. The bar is low, folks!
  • Finish a novel draft: Just a draft. No editing, no submitting, just putting enough words on paper to tell a long-form story with a beginning, middle, and end.

And that’s the long of it! Hope everyone has some great goals for this year. I’m ready to completely fuck mine up. Here’s to a glorious 2016