A Very Irreverent Guest Post: Lancome’s Face Chinchillas

This is a very special guest post from my BFF, she says about herself: I am an imposter who may never again (or at least very irregularly) guest-post on Irreverent on the Internet. I am late to the makeup game, like several decades late. If this post IS somehow relevant to you, go bother Irreverent, and Irreverent can bother me about answering questions or writing more on other topics later.

She also posed with a snake for her wedding photos, because she is a BAMF and we’ve been friends for 8 fabulous years. Here is her guest post about Lancome’s Nude Miracle Foundation

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I got a sample of Lancome’s “Nude Miracle” (which is a stupid name, I think, as there are no literal transfigurations or virgin births happening, but then most makeup has stupid names). Lancome is an expensive (“luxury”) brand, so I was interested in trying out the product regardless of whether I was in the market to buy. This is the same for me and eye creams, by the way. I don’t use them and I don’t want samples, unless it’s made of gold and caviar, and then I’ll try it just to feel like the 1% for 75 seconds. Lancome would have you believe this is an “ultralightweight, liquid-to-powder formula foundation that provides light to medium coverage and a natural matte finish,” and that it uses “groundbreaking soft-focus technology [that] blurs imperfections, absorbs oil, and blends seamlessly for a second-skin, no-makeup look.” Then the Sephora summary gets into WACK-ASS MATH: “The revolutionary liquid-to-powder foundation formula is 25 times lighter than traditional powder and contains special raw materials to absorb oil. It is so comfortable that 100 percent of women tested forgot they were wearing it.”
So needless to say I was a little skeptical, but again, I don’t buy makeup very often, so I was going to try this fancy liar on anyway. Look, how did they measure “lighter than powder”? What kind of powder? Meth? How on earth did they get “100%” of women to agree? Was it just one woman? Probably. Did she really forget, or did they ask her to apply and then hand her a Great Pyr puppy so that there was nothing on her mind besides puppppppppy toooooooooes?
Anyway, none of the sample shades came anywhere close to my actual face shade, but the texture was cool. It looked very oily and slick in the foil sample, so I made a lot of “ew, but I will sacrifice myself FOR SCIENCE” faces before actually putting my finger in it and then touching it to my face. But the texture was like velvet, as a short-lived liquid! It didn’t feel oily on my face. And it dried to powder in mere seconds. My unscientific estimate (or guesstimate if you know that fakeword from your elementary school word problems math homework) was that it took about three seconds of gentle blending with fingertips to get it powderified.It also looked powder-matte on my face. (And odd, again, because it didn’t match my face shade. No pics.) But smooshing it around on my face was very satisfying as a texture, and the coverage was light-medium, which is about what I’d be looking for in a foundation. I think people with dry skin would definitely want a high-quality primer to keep in moisture and prevent fine lines. As a t-zone product for my normal-oily [or dewy, LOLLLLLL] t-zone it was a fun and easy thing to apply. It felt like my actual skin ten seconds after applying, instead of my usual sensation of AUGH THERE’S A SECOND FACE ON MY FACE, and it was a very nice thing to apply liquid and blend and have it powderify on its own, with no next-step-powdering for matte finish needed. It’s easy to over-powder after foundation and end up alarmingly matte or caked, and this product takes that risk away. I did not blend blush or highlighter on over it, nor did I play with concealer on top of it, because I had important (wine) priorities, but I think cream products would play nicely on top of it, and a gentle hand with powder products would work too.

If there was a shade that matched me perfectly, I’d consider plunking down the [ludicrous, Lancome!] amount of dollars to get matte, even skin for days when I am doing presentations or facing photography at work. We’ll see if I’m motivated to test out other shades when I’m near a store over the holidays, because dog knows it’d be expensive to guesstimate a shade and order/return/order/return via the internet from my ruralish home.

This conversation took place before I badgered her into a guest post. Please note that while Irreverent on the Internet does endorse rubbing chinchillas on your face, we request that you stick to locally grown, fair trade, ALIVE (or vintage) chins for your face buffing needs. And always make sure you have your chinchillas consent… because if you don’t they will pee on you.
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