Now Back to Your Regularly Scheduled Sporadic Postings

Wow am I bad at hiatuses! I did manage to get a decent back-log of posts done, and for some reason knowing that I was finishing things in advance of an imaginary deadline felt really good. I’ve been keeping a steady exercise schedule, I hit 10k in my novel, and forcing myself to take a break from at least on obligation felt good. From here on out there will be no posts on weekends (probably) and I’ll be posting the things I’ve written steadily until they run out. I’m going to try to balance things, because I want to do at least 500 words of novel writing a day. I’m trying to save more money which means I have to stop impulse buying things with the justification of “I can review it!” because I make no money off this blog.

When 2014 rolled around I vowed it was going to be “The Year of Me” and in many ways that vow has worked out. I love my new job, I think we’re finally setting ourselves up for a sustainable future. It has also been an amazingly hard year (that’s only slightly more than half way done!) with all of the moving and the deaths and whatnot. I did not expect to have to do so much adapting! I still have several weeks worth of commitments to get through, but I am looking forward to having a more relaxing fall. In the meantime, I hope I manage to provide some interesting posts for everyone to check out! 

The Eulogy I Did Not Write

I have honored both my grandmother and grandfather through eulogies. Those eulogies I wrote were both true, I did not lie about my feelings, I did not invoke imagery I did not relate to, but I was only able  to speak of them individually, and I was not able to invoke some personal imagery because it likely would have been lost on many of the people there to pay their respects.

My favorite book is Kurt Vonnegut’s Cat’s Cradle, a novel that shaped both the way I think and feel and also the way I read and write. The religion central to the story is called Bokononism, and I have always felt a little drawn to that philosophy. It places an emphasis on the absurdity of everything, which seems fitting for a fictional religion. It even has it’s own vocabulary to go with it.

karass is a group of people who are inexplicably drawn to together, people who are linked cosmically even if the reason is not apparent.

duprass is a two person karass. Soul mates. Two people who need no one else to complete their group. They usually die within a week of each other.

In this time, where I am still grieving, I fall back on this. My grandparents together were members of a duprass. Sure, my grandmother may have lasted more than a week after my grandfather, but I know that he is why she died. 

I had been selfish in my thinking. I wanted so desperately to be enough to keep her going. I knew I could not save my grandfather; age had hurt both his mind and body. My grandmother was of sound mind and moderate body. I tried to bait her on, waving the carrot in front of her nose. If she could just make it to the wedding, the wedding we have no date for, the wedding we’ve been trying to plan around their health, the wedding that has been so hard to conceptualize when one person is unemployed and both people are still exhausted from a whirlwind move and entry into an established social scene. 

I have the pain that I was not enough to hold on for, but thinking of my grandparents as their own duprass, their own self-contained unit, helps. They needed each other. For balance, for comfort, for peace. I have the guilt that we did not move sooner, that I lost my opportunity to have them at our special day. I have anger, that I left a wonderful geographic area and moved across the country and am now only an hour away from my mother and all her passive aggression when all I really wanted was to be close to the grandparents I no longer have. (I must keep reminding myself though, that this move is also related to a job opportunity I just wasn’t finding in the PNW and I do love the work I’m doing now). I must take comfort knowing that they got to meet Manbeast, and get to know each other at least a little bit. They never outright said that they approved of our relationship, but the fact that they never actively complained about it meant the did.

I know they are not looking down on me now, and they won’t be at my wedding in any capacity. They are simply gone and I must navigate the world without them, and that is a daunting prospect. I also know they would not want me to dwell on the regrets I have, the time not spent, the events they won’t witness, because I know that this death is what they would have wanted, because a duprass can not exist on its own.

We Interrupt this Hiatus…

To inform you that Besame’s Champagne color is on sale. It ships free if you have Amazon Prime. Other sale colors include Chocolate Kiss, Debutante Pink, and Coral. I have only tried Champagne and Chocolate Kiss of these four (Champagne being my favorite color I sampled, Chocolate Kiss being my least). If you’re interested in checking these colors out I recommend snagging them now (the regular collection runs about $22 a tube).

 Alchimia Apothecary is also having a fun little promotion going on now, if perfume is your thing.

We now return to our regularly scheduled hiatus. Self-imposed vacation will end August 1st.

Influenster Review: Hawaiian Tropic

To mark my retirement from eulogies I’m taking a one-post vacation from my blog vacation. So, as I mentioned in my previous post on the subject, Influenster is a review/social media site where you unlock badges and have the ability to earn, through your social media savvy, free stuff. One of the products I received for free testing was an after sun lotion from the brand Hawaiian Tropic. This was the product I was most looking forward to receiving because I have all the melanin of a Saltine and fry up like a lobster. Even when I wear sunscreen I typically get sun poisoning in the form of raised welts on the arms and chest. I have had more than three horrific sunburns in my life that involve my skin peeling and itching and me being in too much pain to function as a normal human. I also hate wearing sunscreen and almost never go outside. I mean, my job is in an archive, I’m lucky I even have a window. I take an afternoon walk with my coworkers on most days, which gives me about 15 minutes of sunshine and then there’s whatever I snag walking to and from my car, but I am not one to simply go outside and when I do I usually forgo sunscreen and to wrap myself in scarves and wear large hats and jump from shady spot to shady spot to avoid as much direct sun contact as possible. In short, I need a good after sun lotion. I needed one after BFF’s (amazing and beautiful and short) outdoor wedding left me a little pink, but that happened before my VoxBox arrived! (the photographer snapped a shot of me and some friends, it looks like we’re catching up and having a good time, but really the bride has my arm in a death grip and everyone is yelling at me for not wearing sunscreen. I cannot wait to see that photo0). So I figured I’d get the chance to try it out at my friends 4th of July BBQ, when I planned to be outside in a fun sundress drinking sangria and eating processed meats. Instead we all sat outside in long pants and jackets, underneath a tent, as the rain from Hurricane Arthur rolled on through. I was about ready to just try the product as a regular lotion, because getting a review done was not looking good… then the fifth rolled around, delivering all the sun weather the Fourth missed out on… and all the wind too. Manbeast and I wear convinced to stay at my parents for dinner, and my brother convinced us to get into the pool with him… and I jumped in sans sunscreen. I didn’t get burned enough that I felt like I needed serious relief, but I still applied the lotion to my arms, back, and shoulders. It has a ‘light tropical smell,’  which sounds like a stupid, nondescript explanation but is actually quite apt when you actually smell it. There are ribbons of aloe gel in the lotion, which blends together nicely and does not leave your skin with the tacky feeling that straight aloe gel tends to. I haven’t had any problems being itchy or peeling and my burn mellowed out pretty quickly. It’s hard to say what is from the lotion and what is just the strength of the burn I got. I do like this product, it is probably my second favorite item in the VoxBox (after the nailpolish) and I would consider repurchasing it after samples run out… if I thought I’d be getting more sun.