(This is not the post I promised in last times teaser, it’s coming though.)
First: Here are the required viewings before reading this post (or just google the lyrics)
Ok, so What do these songs all have in common? “They all suck?” Yes, ok, what ELSE do they have in common? Well, they are all songs about hooking up with someone at a club. Someone that is in another relationship.
So why do we have all these songs about going to clubs and trying to hookup with someone in a relationship? Do single people never show up in clubs? Is it not cool to hook up with someone who is unattached?
Let’s break it down a little: We’ll start with Robin Thicke. This song has worked up some controversy because it’s video features baffled looking women prancing around, and weather or not they have tops on depends on which version of the video you watch. There is also a taxidermy… coyote? And a live lamb. I don’t know. This song gives me major creeper vibes. This is the song version of that German guy that hit on me at a dance club in Seoul. His first line was “does this necklace make me look gay” and the nail in the coffin was “My favorite dinosaur is the velociraptor, because it can use it’s fingers.” Robin Thicke is like “oh hey, I can use my fingers. And I have a hashtagbigd” And the topless model is like “Sooooooo… I just stand here and look bored?” But let’s ignore the boring video (seriously, I don’t want to watch half nude people prance around, I want something to happen and that’s why Bad Romance is the best music video ever).
The part about ‘Blurred Lines’ that grates on me ever so much is the repeated statement that this girl is a ‘good girl.’ We’re not really given any context about how this girl is good, just that she is. This leads me to wonder, is she ‘good’ because she wants to stay faithful to whoever she’s dating (or wanting to take time from a break-up? The lines are, well, blurry). Is she a ‘good girl’ because she’s playing coy or hard to get? (Protip: if you’re in a club and a girl is being really wishy-washy about if she wants to bone you, she doesn’t, she just hasn’t been taught how to tell someone to fuck off). Thicke proclaims that he’s “always wanted a good girl” so presumably he’s only had bad girls (or no girls?). Without deconstructing the entire virgin/whore dichotomy, is this girl only worth hitting on because there’s some resistance? Would a ‘bad girl’ be someone actively pursuing a sexual encounter with very clear cut lines? Also everything about this song and my interactions with males in clubs has led me to believe that even out and out saying no could be considered a ‘blurred line’ because some people don’t know how to take no for an answer. Men, you don’t have to deal with blurred lines. If a women wants your D, she will give you clear lines, and if everyone is too inebriated with that magic weed that gets you through, what 2? 3? states worth of travel? Then maybe you need to call it a night and go home alone.
The next entry here is Mole-less Enrique, and unlike Thicke his song isn’t completely about ‘will she or won’t she.’ The chorus, while vapid, is pretty much just “you are sexy when you dance and I enjoy that.” If the song had just stuck to that theme, it could have avoided my inclusion, but instead we have this “My girlfriend is out of town/And I’m all alone/Your boyfriend is on vacation/And he doesn’t have to know.” So the chorus, the other verse, the Pitbull verse, this could really just be a song about hooking up with a sexy person who is doing some sexy club dancing. But instead there is an unnecessary throw away line about cheating on your significant other. And it makes it clear that it is cheating, what with the absence of the other person and the idea that they would never find out. This isn’t some polyamorous, open relationship anthem in which Enrique sings “My girlfriend and I have a mutual respect and pre-established guidelines about inviting others into our relationship, and I’m aloud to hookup with someone while she is on vacation provided we have safe-sex, would you like to bone?” So OK, that’s lacking some flow, but I’m not songstress. Why include a line about cheating when it could be an annoying yet harmless song about finding a one night stand?
(Sidenote: Manbeast keeps looking over at my computer screen when I have the lyrics to this song up. I don’t think he realizes I am blogging and the look of judgement on his face is astounding and hilarious)
And finally we have Ke$ha. She does the same thing as Enrique, taking a song that could be about a simple hook-up and making it about cheating, but she also takes things a step further. In ‘Blurred Lines’ it is unclear if the other person is present or absent that evening, in ‘I Like It,’ the others are away. In ‘Die Young’ the guy shows up in the club with another girl and then spends the entire night grinding up on Ke$ha while the two lament the fact that they can’t leave together to have sex. Why? Why did you have to pick the person who “came here with someone?” You can dance like you’re going to die young (Really unclear on what that even means/what she’s going for with that analogy). To Ke$ha’s credit she realizes that their relationship can go no further than some dirty dancing. I still don’t understand why they had to bring in some infidelity, they could ‘make the most of the night like [they’re] gonna die young’ by dancing and then hooking up. ‘We’re gonna die young’ could be the justification for hooking up without knowing names or anything!
That’s the thing that gets me about these songs. I have lots of single friends, and sometimes they want to hook up with someone they meet in a bar. So they find someone who is at least saying they are single (sure, they could be lying but none of this ‘my girlfriend’s out of town so it’s cool’ shit) and if things work out, they leave with them. So there is a bar hookup culture out there, I don’t know why all these songs about it also have to be about infidelity. To me, it makes the music less, not more relateable.
In closing. here’s some advice for the people in the above songs: