Things I Hate (Irrationally)

There are a lot of things to hate on the internet. As you are reading this blog on the internet, I assume that you are aware that there are many things to hate on the internet. Perhaps you even hate this blog! But don’t tell me if you do, as that would make me a sad little fish.

My lists of hatreds and fears can be divided into two categories: Rational and Irrational. In the rational category we have bees (because I don’t like things that send me to the needle-filled ER and could possibly kill me) and in the Irrational category I have things like oranges. Fuck oranges, man. Fuck ’em. As far as the internet is concerned, it also gets broken down into Rational and Irrational. Rational would be the misogynists and racists and homophobes that hide behind avatars and anonymity. Irrational would be the way Reddit nests its fucking comments. Seriously, it confuses the shit out of me.

This one here straddles the two categories, and also straddles real life and the internet: The use of the word “vintage.” Now don’t get me wrong, say you pop over to Brilliant Earth and look in their vintage ring section. Those rings are old and preowned and made in a time period that makes them vintage. Now pop over to ModCloth. Shit ain’t vintage. Vintage inspired? Absolutely! But it’s not vintage if you make it the same week I order it (and this is no dig at ModCloth, my broke-ass self can’t afford to buy anything there, but I love to look). Maybe this is why Etsy plays so fast and lose with the term ‘vintage.’ I had a pretty hard time on Pinterest last night not commenting on things labeled vintage that were clearly just “vintage inspired.” And you know what would be more helpful? Call it “1950s style” or somehow manage to work in what year you’re getting your inspiration from. I won’t touch anything from the 70s or 80s (ba dum chi). I know that even the hardest working grammar Nazi on the internet is probably rolling their eyes at this wondering why I don’t have a better hobby than getting my blood pressure all worked up about calling shit vintage on the internet. To that I say, I don’t need a hobby, I have a cat. Although there has been talk of teaching me how to roller derby so that I can productively take my irrational feelings out in a safe space. I’m researching though, if I’m limited to the number of faces I can elbow, it just won’t work out for me (I’m also considering capoiera).

Just think about ‘vintage’ the next time you want to throw it around. Is it older than yours truly (made in the late 80s)? If so, call it vintage. Is it just inspired by a style older than yours truly? Think of some better wording.

I put hyper-links in this post, and if they prove to be successful, I’m going to eat a damn cookie.

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